Parenting: You're Doing It Right... or Wrong.

It's been a really long time since I've written in this. I almost sort of forgot it existed. I'm obviously not very good at keeping to my own resolutions. =) Maybe that's why I haven't lost any of the "baby weight" and in fact have even gained some. Meh. C'est la vie.


For the 4 people that follow this blog (shocking, didn't know I had followers) you'll know that I'm now a college graduate, wife, and mother to the most beautiful and precious toddler on the planet.

Corbyn is my whole world and I can't imagine life without him in it. Every day gives me new joy as I watch him learn and grow. And each day also gives me new heartache as I watch my baby grow because I know he won't be this little forever and all too soon he'll grow up and won't want to snuggle with his Mommy. He'll eventually tell me he hates me and I'll cry.

He'll grow up into a smart well adjusted young man and he'll fall in love with some girl (who won't be good enough for my baby I'm sure of it) and then he will get married and start a family of his own. Before I know it I'll be old and grey and he will be the one struggling to find the right way to parent his own children. Who of course I will spoil rotten and fill with sugar and then send back to him so that the cycle never ends and he has to deal with what I deal with now.

And I hope that when he does grow up that things are different for him. I hope that the attitudes of people change and become more open minded and that he won't be judged if he decides to do something a certain way. For that is what I am trying to cope with now. I am so blessed to have a large close family and some great friends who are a big help to me in raising Corbyn. After all, it takes a village, does it not?

Every day I read stories of one parent or another who are teaching their child a certain way, or disciplining them a certain way. And I see the friends and family and even strangers of that person give their "helpful" advice on how they should be doing it. Everybody is so set in their own ways about the proper way to raise a child and if you choose to try something else you are told that it will never work and "you'll see. You'll be sorry you didn't do it this way when such and such happens."

From the time my son was this old, people have been giving me advice on what to do when he arrives in the world. From cloth diapering, to breastfeeding, and even to crib-training from birth. I hastily absorbed all of this knowledge (as well as anything I could get my hands on to read) because I had no idea what it was like to be a parent. Especially a "single parent" as my husband was overseas protecting our freedoms until our son was 3 months old.

I wanted to be as prepared as I could be for when our son arrived so that I could do it all correctly. I didn't want to damage my child by accidentally bathing him wrong or not reading the correct amount of bedtime stories.

And now that Corbyn is almost 19 months old I have realized one very important thing. No amount of advice from other people is going to teach me the right way to parent my child. My child will teach me the correct way to parent him. 

Of course, I still read parenting blogs and articles and the like. Often times it's because some of those parents are so much more crafty than I am and I can pilfer some game / craft / food ideas from them. Other times I read them for new approaches to parenting methods. I try to read about both sides of the issue (i.e. time outs etc.) and then I try to think about how it will relate to Corbyn. Will he understand what I'm doing or will he not care? Then I try to make up my own mind on what I want to do.

Some of the things that I am trying to make part of my parenting method are:

1. No spanking. I really want to try to go through life without needing to spank him. I was spanked as a child and I do not feel any animosity towards my parents about it. Heck, I hardly remember it as I can honestly only remember it happening once. But I don't want to spank my child. Sometimes I fail and I have spanked before. My husband spanks him. But I want to try not to spank. I have faith in myself that I can find ways to teach without resorting to spanking.
2. Nursing. I breastfed for the first seven months of his life. I continued to nurse even after he got teeth at three months old and started biting. But he weaned himself and I had to swap to formula until he was old enough for cow's milk. I'm going to nurse baby #2 when they come along and I would love to nurse for 1+ years if they will let me.
3. Co-Sleeping & Baby Wearing. I love sleeping with my baby next to me. A big part of that goes back to the second item on the list. I'm much too tired and, let's face it, much too lazy to get out of bed to nurse all the time. I like the bond it builds with my child and I like to be able to wake up and look over at the peaceful sleeping face of  my baby.

My list is quite small and I'm sure it will grow as he grows. I feel strongly about all of these items and it saddens me when my family and friends do not support me in my choices. Of course their opinions don't change mine, but it would be nice if they could step outside preconceived ideas and support me trying something different. I understand you were spanked, and you spank your kids, and that it works great for you with no lasting damage to the kid. Good for you. I don't want to do it. So support me in that choice. I can and will find other ways of discipline / teaching.

You're all on board with nursing a baby... but only until they are X months old. Then it's all about pumping into a bottle or using formula. Baby is too old to be doing that especially *gasp* in public. Nursing my son was one of the best parts of being his mother in those first seven months. Knowing that 100% of his nutrition came from my body. I was a superhero. If he was hungry I could solve that problem without thinking. And I fed him whenever and wherever he happened to be hungry. Behind closed doors or not. You eat in public, so does my child. Deal with it. Look away if you can't stand seeing it and the maybe 1/4" of exposed skin you would have seen.

This last one fully frustrates me on the lack of support. I'm not asking you to sleep in bed with my child. So what if it takes longer to crib train them when we decide its time? You don't have to have sleepless nights. Just because crib training was hard for you doesn't mean it will be for me. My child is not your child and might not care where he sleeps. Then again, I could be wrong and it will be hell training him. My problem not yours. And if you need to gloat when that time comes, then do so silently. I'm still going to sleep in bed with him until we decide it's time.

I didn't mean to get all preachy there but it's hard sometimes to keep from getting upset about it all. But that's what my blog is for. I'm allowed to vent if I want to. 

So I hope that when my son is grown and raising children of his own he will have more support in his choices as a parent than I have in mine. And I hope that when the time comes I can be as open minded as I wish people were with me.