Love is simple

So much for my daily postings in this blog. Guess I won't have nearly as much material as I'd hoped for that class. Oh well.

My wonderful mommy is back in the US and it's so wonderful to have her here for Mother's Day. We enjoyed the pool and hot tub in the hotel, as well as some wonderful meals together with friends and family. You never really know how much you will miss somebody until they are no longer just a phone call away. Even though we talk nearly every day via some form of social media the difference of being able to talk face to face is priceless.

My heart aches to know that she will be leaving in another week and a half and going back to her new life in Scotland with my step-dad. I wouldn't change anything for the world because I know she is so much happier in life and that is all that really matters. It's been a really long time since I've seen her this happy and I'm glad that she finally found somebody that she can relate to and who understands her on a level beyond what we as children can even fathom.

Things were not always happy in my house growing up and just like any other normal family we had our share of unhappiness, heartbreak, and anger. That's what makes a family and gives us that bond that nobody can break. There were times I wish I could change certain choices that were made to spare the pain that followed but I know that without learning and growing from those mistakes that we would not be the people we are today.

So even though I spent three years in pure hell while a certain T.C. lived in my house I know that it made my mother a stronger person and not so easily fooled by promises of love and happiness from people who cannot hold up their end of that promise.

Today I see her happy for the first time since V.F. left our lives and that makes my heart burst with love and pride. The fact that I get a lot of the credit for her current state of happiness (I did introduce them, you know) isn't something to forget either. I practically handpicked my own step-dad. Who knew? At the time all I wanted was peace from the "noob." Hahaha

Love is simple folks, you simply have to be willing to open your eyes and take a chance. Take that leap of faith and go outside your comfort zone. Should that fail and you still can't find anybody... ask your children. They are usually a better judge of character than you realize.

Journey to a Happier, Healthier, ME!

Throughout my life I have heard about a lot of different "get thin quick" schemes and these great diet pills that promise extreme weight loss in little to no time at all. My daddy raised no fool and over the years I have ignored all of these methods of weight loss in favor of walking, running, and going to the gym.

I've never had a real issue with my weight and my height helps to hide the little bit extra that I do carry around.

This is a somewhat decent photo considering I was trying to get a good side shot while holding the camera myself.

According to the doctor's office my BMI is 24.71

I'm not entirely sure what it's supposed to be for my "ideal" weight but I know I would like to lose between 25 - 35 lbs before I'm done.

I know that getting myself healthy is not something to be done overnight. It is going to take time, and sweat, and effort. Thank GOD it's getting warmer out so I can do some of that sweating outside rather than in a gym.

Phase 1 of my goal involved deciding on some kind of diet program / change. And not necessarily a "diet" such as Atkins of Weight Watchers, but just a change in my diet - you know, the foods I stuff myself with. So I looked around at what my friends were doing because let's face it, I'm a sheep. I like to follow others and learn from their trials and errors on what works. Why start from scratch if a friend has already fine tuned a plan that works?

A couple of my friends are on this "Zone Diet" program which involves dividing up your food into blocks and you can only have so many blocks of certain things per day. For instance you can have 1 carb block, 1 protein block, etc and so on. And there are only certain foods that qualify and you are told the quantity which consists of one block. I decided NO on this one because I don't want to have to weigh my food before I cook it to make sure I'm only getting 3 ounces of something.

Next I looked at the Atkin's diet. No bread for a certain amount of time, and then no milk for a separate period of time. Not going to happen. Can't live without milk so scratch that.

Fast forward a dozen more diets I didn't like the look of and I finally decide to start listening to my boss at work about the program he and his wife are doing. It's called Visalus which is more commonly known as Body by Vi. It is a meal substitution plan that guarantees results even if you don't exercise and the shakes taste like cake batter.

The amount of weight and inches that you drop depend a lot on what you eat for your one meal of the day and you obviously will lose much more by exercising. Reading more into the program you can actually receive your product for free by signing up three people under you. This doesn't mean you have to sell the product, you only sign them up to take the 90 day challenge (which is what the company is famous for) and you receive your product for free!

I'm going to be keeping a record of my progress so keep checking back!!

State of Maine CPA Exam

Holy freaking crap!! So I'm reading up on CPA stuff today and there is this company (Becker) that offers a study program/course for your CPA exam. It includes:

How much longer until I'm grown up?

I have been asked by my husband to please remove this post. I don't agree with that or feel I should have to delete something on my personal blog, but I will pick my battles and do as he asks.

Life Is Unfair, And Then You Die

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
Bill Watterson

My husband and I are planning on starting a family when he comes home next week and while this makes me unconditionally happy it also brings with it some feelings of anger and resentment when I think about the future life of my unborn child. I've been feeling this way for a week or so now and I felt I needed to write it down so that I can get it out of my system instead of letting it fester like the poison it is.

To explain why I feel this way some back story about my family is needed. 

• My older sister got pregnant and gave birth to my niece at the age of 16. We wouldn't trade dear sweet Emily for the world nor would we change the course of events that led up to now as we love her too much to change anything. 
• Emily grew up in a loving home surrounded by her favorite auntie (me!), her uncle, meme (my mother), grampy, as well as another grandmother, great grandparents, and even a cousin. Very cool start to such a promising young life.
• My mother remarried in 2007 and has since then moved to Aberdeen, Scotland with my stepfather. She is the happiest I've seen her in a very long time and I adore my new dad. I dream someday of going to Scotland to meet that whole new side of my family and getting to pick on the new little brother I have. I would not trade my mothers happiness for all the riches in the world as she deserves to finally find some happiness in this lifetime.

I think you can see where this is going by now. But if you can't, I'll tell you what makes me bitter. 

My entire life I have been in my sister's shadow, so to speak. She was older so she got to do everything first. She got to go everywhere first and she was the favorite (I'm not kidding, ask my mother who her favorite child is). I grew up with a severe case of middle child syndrome. I could never understand why she got away with bloody murder and I got grounded for doing the same because I should have learned from her mistakes.

Now don't get me wrong. I love my sister. It's been a long time coming as I couldn't stand her growing up and used to wish that bands of gypsies would come and steal her away at times, or wizards would come to my house and lift the spell she must have cast on our parents to make them oblivious to everything she did that should have gotten her grounded. But now we've mended our relationship and I look to her for wisdom and support to get me through whatever I happen to be going through. She's been there for me to cry on her shoulder and she was central to making my wedding the success it was. I love you Stachia Ann!!

What makes me bitter and jealous and hate the way life can be sometimes is that I know when I have my children they won't get to grow up with their grandmother only a car trip away. My mother is going to be 4,000 miles away and Skype is the best I'll be able to do for them to know her and love her the way I do. I will have to choose between having my mommy at my baby shower... or at the birth of my child. Choose between seeing her at Christmas or on their birthdays (if even that often). 

Mom already had to miss both my bridal shower and my bachelorette party in order to make it to the states for my wedding. I hate that my children will have to go without knowing her as well just because I waited to have children. And that is where the viciousness comes in. It sounds horrible, like I'm condemning my sister for being an unwed teenage mother, and I honest to God am not. My sister is an amazing mother and is the best single parent that I know. She has sacrificed everything to ensure her daughter is well taken care of and has everything she needs to grow up happy and healthy.

Yet I can't help feeling the way I do. That life is so unfair and I'm getting the shaft for doing things in the "proper order." Long-term boyfriend, wedding, then children. I feel a touch better having this all written down instead of bottled up inside of me. I am hoping that something changes for the better of all parties involved. Who knows, maybe by the time I get pregnant they will have invented and perfected teleportation between countries. That would be great.

Until then, life sucks and then you die.

Sluts Unite!

This morning I learned that I used to be a slut. And I'm okay with that! For anybody reading this who is confused please read the following article:
http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/01/10552338-limbaugh-contraception-advocate-should-post-online-sex-videos

This confused individual seems to think that by health insurance covering the costs of contraceptives (which by the way men can get as well since some places allow insurance to cover condoms!) that the taxpayers who are fronting the money for this need to get something out of it and we should all make videos and post them online for viewing pleasure.

First of all they are INSURANCE PREMIUMS you nitwit, not your tax dollars. I am paying for a service that helps me when I need it. Just like car insurance has to pay out for an accident my health insurance is required to cover the costs of certain things when I signed their contract saying they will pay $X when I give them $X a week from my paycheck.

Second of all this doesn't make my contraceptives free. I still have co-pays, deductibles, co-insurances, and the like to pony up to get these contraceptives. My particular insurance is $25 per week from my paycheck and still requires me to pay a $20 office visit for exams and such. While my pills are free as long as I have had an annual exam in the last 12 months this does not in any way mean that I'm relying on the american people's wallets to have sex.

And lastly, my question to you Mr. Limbaugh is this:

Would you really rather have insurance cover contraceptives (a service we have to pay for) or would you like to have to foot the bill for THOUSANDS of unplanned pregnancies from women who are not able to support a child because they were unable to afford the necessary protection to prevent the pregnancy in the first place?

Some people really should think before they speak. /end rant

At The Peak

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on 
Excerpts from "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus


Another week has gone by and I've spent the time in my same routine. Work, homework, squeeze in some friend time, and finally scratch out a little me time. I'm working away diligently at passing my time until Eric comes home and trying to keep myself busy. Karma has decided to help me out with this task and even out the playing field some after my last bit of good news.

I began my most recent class on Tuesday the 24th. The class is Advanced Financial Accounting and is a level 440 course. It is still only five weeks long and it is still online, but the difficulty factor has just quadrupled. The workload seems fairly similar to those prior classes I've taken but the reading.... wow.

I've printed off all of my chapters for the course and put them in a nice 2" binder. I even color coded the sections by chapter and assigned week of reading. Just look at me go!

Until of course I realize just how much reading is going to be needed during this class. 2 cm stack of computer printed pages (double sided) all need to be read by no later than 02/27/2012.

/sigh

Apparently I will be putting my glasses to good use this class.

But like a good little girl I set out my notebook and my pencil, my highlighter and my sticky notes, and got down to reading my chapters for the week.


After three hours I've read approximately 12 pages. I'm pretty sure I read the same section four times at one point...






But every time I get discouraged and feel like I'll never be out of school I just have to look at this page and realize I'm so much closer than I have ever been.

I am only 8 classes until my graduation date. 9 months to go and I will have a $45,000 piece of paper hanging on my wall. And 6 months after that I'll be broke trying to repay that $45K.

This screen doesn't hurt either. More than 3/4 of the way done with my degree program isn't such a bad thing.

Also knowing that I've brought my GPA up a solid 1.66 points is very gratifying to my ego.

*gasp* Yes, for those who didn't know I was not doing so well at UMFK. Maybe I'll tell that story one day.


But for now I need to keep my head held high and know that there is always going to be another mountain to climb. I just need to remember that I'm at the top of this one and on my way down. I can worry about the next one later.